I think we should all get dressed up (anyone notice how I’m always trying to get people to dress up?), and come out this Sunday night for the Blues Jam with Lionel, giving him a Boulder Bash worthy of his triumph.   This is colossal!  This is HUGE!  This is truly exciting!  I should stop now before I get diagnosed with EPS (exclamation point syndrome).  Ok, I think I have control over myself now. 

I can add that there is a delightful sort of pride binding the moods of everyone at the Outlook.  You’d think we all won with the degree of exhilaration hovering over the place.  Poor Lionel’s going to be assailed with love and congratulations Sunday night.  Wear chain mail, pal.

As long as we’re on the subject of Sunday night’s Blues Jam, let me tell you about Blues Bucks:   we are instituting a voluntary cover of $1.00 for Sunday night to help defray some medical costs for Tempa (we might do this for other shows as well, but we’ll let you know).  If you didn’t read/receive last week’s Blues Letter, here’s what’s up:

“Speaking of fan favorites, another one, Tempa, of Tempa and the Tantrums is in a rough spot.  Medical circumstances have kept her from working for some time, and her medical bills and treatment expenses have gotten beyond her.  Fortunately, we at the Outlook have NO problem passing a hat and asking all of our fellow blues lovers to give some assistance to someone who has performed at more than her share of fund-raisers to help others.  Now she’s got to sit back and let us do it for her, something that’s pretty difficult for our Tempa...I promise I’ll have this more organized, but for now medicine needs to be purchased, so we’ll worry about fussy details later.  Please come down this weekend and listen to great music and drop a few dollars in the hat.  The sooner we get Tempa better, the quicker she’ll be back on stage where she belongs.”

Given that there is rarely any cover at all at Boulder’s Home of the Blues, a buck for an evening of great music is still the best deal in town.  Particularly as it’s voluntary, and will help make a big difference for a friend going through a tough time. 

Speaking of friends, two of my best ones ever, David Wein, owner/president of Mutual Security Mortgage, and Diana Caile, a realtor with Homestead Realty, have thrown their separate corporate hats in the Tempa ring:   Anyone needing a mortgage or to refinance, give David a call, and upon successful closing, his company will donate $250 towards Tempa’s medical costs.  Diana Caile will do the same thing in the capacity of realtor.  I will disclose that I have sent friends to each of them for professional services, and it is common for said friends to send me a “thank you” for referring them.  Mutual Security Mortgage is a small, independently owned company, and I know personally the entire staff.  They are professional, fun, helpful, run a first-class operation, and from what I’ve been told, David takes a lot of the stress and anxiety out of the loan process.  303-453-5575.

I’m certain many of you have noticed a professional photographer at the gigs lately.  Well, that’s Diana Caile, and she’s working on a one-woman show titled, Shooting the Blues.  She’s a woman of many talents, and real estate is but one of them.  She’s also an extraordinary landscape designer, but in terms of helping Tempa out at this difficult time, I want everyone to buy a house!  And again, upon conclusion of successful closing, $250 goes to Tempa.  720-290-9844.

So, anyone in the market to buy, I just saved you tons of time looking for the right realtor and mortgage broker.  You’re welcome.  Use them both, and there’s a $500 donation.  They also each gave Tempa a generous donation last week.

Back to Memphis.  Although the Erica Brown Band didn’t go to the finals, they still hold the shining pride of Colorado!  Congratulations on all your hard work and the numerous new fans you made in Memphis. 

On to little bits of quick news, on Saturday night, Jenn Cleary (Jenn Cleary Band) correctly pointed out that I wasn’t wearing the stockings I reported last week that I was taking out of partial retirement.  She was right, because earlier in the evening I put them on and realized that they just didn’t say Johnny O. Band.  On the other hand, they positively SCREAMEDJason Ricci and New Blood.  So, said stockings will stay in partial retirement until Jackie Eberl’s birthday party with Jason and the boys on March 15^th.   

Also, Amy Whitesell, of A Music Company, Inc., asked me to help spread the following word:  2008 Blues Under The Bridge will be a two day festival this year. Dates are June 21, 2008 and July 26, 2008. The festival will be from 1-10pm. Each day will feature local, regional and national acts.  We are accepting submissions from Blues bands with the following guidelines: Please send Promo pack that MUST have a CD with no less then four songs, liner notes, credits, art work and indexed. 
Mail to:
A Music Company Inc.
2840 S. Circle Drive suite 504
Colorado Springs, CO. 80906 
Please direct any questions to amy@amusiccompanyinc.com

And in closing this week, Jerry Deall sent this to me (as well as a lot of other people, so forgive me if you’ve seen this), and although I don’t know who authored this (I want to know, if anyone can tell me), it’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.  I hope you enjoy it.  Thank you, Jerry. 

[Dan, please see memo below]

How to become a blues musician

 1. Most Blues begin "Woke up this mornin'..."

 2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

 3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.  Then find something that rhymes... sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."

 4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch - ain't no way out.

 5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

 6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

 7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.

 8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you were skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.

 9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

 10. Good places for the Blues: a. highway b. jailhouse c. empty bed d. bottom of a whiskey glass.

 Bad places for the Blues: a. Nordstrom's b. gallery openings c. Ivy League institutions d. golf courses

 11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

 12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if: a. you older than dirt b. you blind c. you shot a man in Memphis d. you can't be satisfied.

 No, if: a. you have all your teeth b. you were once blind but now  can see c. the man in Memphis lived d. you have a 401K or trust fund.

 13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

 14. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues.
 Other acceptable Blues beverages are: a. cheap wine b. whiskey or bourbon c. muddy water . d. nasty black coffee.
The following are NOT Blues beverages: a. Perrier b. Chardonnay c. Snapple d. Slim Fast.

 15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.

 16. Some Blues names for women: a. Sadie b. Big Mama c. Bessie d. Fat River Dumpling.

 17. Some Blues names for men: a. Joe b. Willie c. Little Willie d. Big Willie.

 18. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

 19. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit: a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.) b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.) c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

 For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")

 20. I don't care how tragic your life -- if you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues.

 21. People with the Blues eat barbecue, corn bread, beans, and their last meal.

 22. Good blues instruments: guitar, slide trombone, saxophone, and harmonica.

 23. Bad blues instruments: everything else, especially the oboe, french horn, and viola.

 24. You got the blues if you have lumbago or a bad back. You don't have the blues if you have a mental disorder ending in "syndrome."

 25. Black Jack is a good blues game. Keno is not a good blues game.

 26. Blues jobs include working on the railroad, picking cotton, musician, or just got fired.

 27. Blues animals include the junkyard dog and mule (not donkey).

28. Epitaph on a blues musician's tombstone: "I didn't wake up this morning".

Memo to Dan

My Dear Dan,

Circumstances necessitate I bring this to your attention.  On occasion (like this past Saturday night), you take a much-deserved evening off to spend with your family.  I can understand that.   However, certain folks (usually the ones on the stage), are under the impression that when I’m there I actually, well, do something.  So Saturday night the lights weren’t quite right, so Johnny O. asked me to correct the situation.  Apparently, Johnny O. and others don’t quite understand that with the exception of bringing some magnificent Italian style to the joint, I don’t actually do anything when I’m there.  It’s true I amuse myself with this weekly Blues Letter, but at the bar I don’t even know how to turn off the house music.   Perhaps we can start there.  You know, baby steps.

Dependently yours,

Honey